Ms. Bachynski’s Grade Two Class Story

I think people will be quite surprised with the twist in the story…

© Andrew Bacchus www.streetecology.com/

© Andrew Bacchus        www.streetecology.com

 

Once there was a cat named James. He had fluffly orange fur, floppy ears, and brown eyes. One day around lunch time, he decided to go hunting for a mouse. He left Ronald Harvey Cat School and pranced into the sunny, summer day.

The bright sunshine made his fur hot. James wandered around. Suddenly, he saw a mouse! It was tiny, with white striped fur, and a short tail. James raced after it.

The mouse hurried under a red motorcycle. James ran on top of the motorcycle. He took a spot on the seat and waited for the mouse to come out. After five minutes, James reached for an old, bumpy stick that was beside the bike. He poked around the black pavement to distract the mouse.

When it scampered out, James grabbed it with his claws.  He didn’t want to see its eyes, so he flipped it around, hoping it would faint.

Instead, the mouse got free and sped away to the smoothie store. James chased after it and quickly snatched up the mouse.

“Don’t eat me,” squeaked the mouse.

“Why not?” asked James.

“Because I’m your best friend!” yelled the mouse.

“Are you Thomisina?” questioned James.

“Yes. You didn’t recognize me because my fur changed colour,” Thomisina screeched.

They hugged each other for a long time.

“I can’t eat my best friend,” explained James. “Though I’m still hungry and with all that chasing, I’m thirsty, now,” James announced.

“Why don’t we get a burger and a smoothie?” suggested Thomisina.

So, that’s exactly what they did and headed to Mr. Papa Burger Restaurant.

****

Take a look at a partial list of the edits–this is what the story originally looked like. An amazing job with edits, don’t you think?

  • They gave the school an actual name
  • They told us exactly what James’ fur looked like
  • They used exciting dialog tags like “explained” and “screeched”

 

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About Natasha Deen

Quietly biding my time until the day I learn how to hone being a klutz into a super power, I combat writer’s block by singing opera to the cats & dogs. Follow me on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/natasha.deen.9) & Twitter (https://twitter.com/natasha_deen)

4 thoughts on “Ms. Bachynski’s Grade Two Class Story

  1. Good job class, this story gives the reader a nice introduction to the two characters. What other adventures are they going to have?

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